Therapy is helping.

It really is helping me understand things.

I’m still the problem though.

My apartment is a mess, I took off from work today because I feel like shit, and hope I’d be at least a little motivated to clean up a bit.

Nope.

Laying in bed, and just trying to motivate myself to shower even.

Idk what I’m doing.

Money issues are drowning me rn.

I feel chained down because I have all these bills and debts that I can’t pay rn. I’m barely holding on with my main expenses,

Fuck.

I have to get myself going here.

I can do this.

they fired me, I’m in new levels of ticked off about it, just another bad company really. Have you ever met a good company? Can’t say I have.

My wife says she works for one, but I don’t work for them.

Life was already expensive for decades- rent/food/gas/etc. But life has never been MORE expensive since COVID. Every damn corporation has used Covid as an excuse to jack up the price of literally everything. In the USA, cost of food has skyrocketed, cost of rent which was already sky high, has gotten more sky high, cost of goods for everything across the board has gone up. OFC now after the tariffs, it’s going to be even WORSE in the next coming years. Great time to be alive eh?

Am I the only one to b!tch about the cost of living? I […]

If you don’t know who Cheslie Kryst was there are tons of news articles & videos available, or you could read her book like I did. She was Miss USA 2019, a full time lawyer, athlete, model, activist, fashion blogger, TV host for the show Extra, and a ton of other stuff. She jumped from a highrise in NYC in 2022.

The book is in 2 parts, the main part is her memoir beginning on the night she won Miss USA 2019 and contining thru the 1.5 years of her reign living in NYC while flashing back to the years leading up to it. The 2nd […]

It isn’t all doom and gloom over here, sometimes one of my projects actually comes to something worthwhile, even if I’m the only one that will ever see value out of it.

Out of nowhere the other day I remembered a game from my mispent youth; Creatures 3. This was back from the compact disc days. I literally owned a cardboard box with the little booklet and a jewel case containing a little compact disc with the words Creatures 3 printed on it. It had a CD key! It was one of my first experiences with modding a game!

This was before the Sims, one of the […]

I’m dreading going to class tomorrow.

Monday before class, a girl came up to me and started talking to me. I actually managed to hold a conversation with her for the 15 minutes we had before class started. She “ended up” inviting me to one of her upcoming shows. She even gave me a discount code and her instagram. I, like the dumbass I am, was ecstatic. I thought this could be my chance to make a friend.

Once I got home, I sent her a message on instagram. Just said she seemed very cool and I’d like to get to know her better. […]

There are things I like to refer to as car engine light problems. If you ignore it and keep driving, more than likely you’ll be OK. It’s when you try to find what the problem is is when things get bad.

Lately my dumbass has been messing around on those websites where you pay girls to give you attention. Use your imagination for what type of websites those are. Made me realize how lonely I was for a relationship like that. Talking to a person about your problems. Feeling close to them in that way. Having someone […]

I feel like NO ONE (or hardly anyone)
1- understands me (or cares)
2- believes the same things I do (politically, economically, socially, medically, etc)- or believes even half the stuff I do (ie NOT mainstream, NOT Left, NOT Right, NOT Libertarian, NOT Green)- there’s certain things I believe from each of those parties but certainly not most.
3- understands my depression (or cares)

What do you do when you feel like an alien amongst sheeple? Everyone thinks they are “awake” but they still blindly follow their “side” or their “guys.” No one picks apart each and every “thing” and analyzes that thing or […]

She was away with her sisters. It was getting late, near the witching hour, 2.55 am. I had dismissed a new bit on the side at midnight, that was a mistake, post physical relations I find I want nothing to do with women,I’ll sleep in another room thank you very much. She’s getting too fond of wacky baccy, it’s hard enough maintaining my own usage, one can’t carry women. Her perfume was all over the house, nice perfume I hasten to add, but I had to be careful , she has a nose like a fucking sniffer dog.I opened every window in the house. A […]

How many of us are stuck in a apt/neighborhood/city/state that we don’t want to be in due to finances? I think there’s many of us in that boat. Me, heartless, trulymindless, Soda (unless he was finally able to move out of that apt)- that’s at least 4. How many others?

Hogwash or True?

People have REAL problems- like poverty, health problems, bad jobs, bad bosses, bad coworkers, not being able to afford a good apt in a good neighborhood, etc. But we’re constantly being told by therapists “we just need to change our mentality.” Like isn’t that what DBT and CBT all about? Telling us that the way we think is WRONG, and we just have to think differently so that we’d be happy.

But isn’t that just lying to ourselves? All it does is have the whole world tell us that we are WRONG, and that we must be like robots or good […]

A quick way to turn any lie into truth is to add “…if you have money” at the end.

Help is available if you have money.

It gets better if you have money.

Life is worth living if you have money.

You aren’t alone if you have money.

We care if you have money.

but why stop there? Let’s keep going….

You can accomplish anything you set your mind to if you have money.

Just be yourself if you have money.

If there’s a will there’s a way if you have money.

Implied: if you don’t have money you’re fucked.

why do i feel so miserable when i talk to someone who’s supposed to make me feel loved and cared for? i’m actually asking, i’m so serious lol. like, i guess i’m just not happy with him, that i can understand. i just don’t feel like leaving is an option. i feel so guilty for even thinking about breaking it off, it’ so so weird honestly. it almost feels like i can’t.
writing it out makes me realize how dumb that sounds, but i really do have my reasons to feel that way. a friend of mine kinda made me feel pressured to not hurt […]

I just realized- EVERYTHING is measured in “household” figures- ALL the data out there- income, mortgage/rent, savings, blah blah. EVERYTHING is measured in household #s. If you’re single, well Fcuk you. And no, you can’t simply divide all the #s in half. Two people living in the same space pays way LESS than a single person for rent/mortgage. Single ppl ALWAYS pay more, for everything. Housing and food are the big ones. Families are more cost-effective when it comes to food, but single ppl have to buy small portions of everything, or eat out, which costs more. […]

I think I’m sensitive to time. It bothers me when I’m told something will happen within a set time and it doesn’t. It annoys me when people are late to things. Especially when something this important is hanging over my head. Another autistic trait? Or maybe just plain neurosis. I don’t know. Every single day feels like a thousand years. Nights are probably the worst. Nothing on Youtube. No tv shows I want to watch. Games are boring me. Started sending out applications. Can’t find the motivation to fill out simple forms. […]

bc I am NOT feeling ANY of it… -_-

Was thinking of moving to Mexico bc America is too bloody expensive. But there’s riots now in Mexico where they want Gringos OUT bc Gringos keep moving in and increasing the cost of living for the locals. I mean I see their plight but I need to escape the high costs of USA. I guess technically I’m not a “Gringo” as I am not white, but I’d still be a foreigner, and there’s as much anti-foreigner sentiment there right now as there is anti-foreigner sentiment here in the US.

I would love to try out Hawaii, but Hawaii is expensive AF, so…idk. […]

Yesterday was kind of a lot. There’s been a lot in my head I’ve been kind of just holding in, I know, I know I should just talk to people about stuff, it gets harder with the heat and the stress, I’m so low right now. Not sure if I’m suicidal or not, not expressing it if I am. Keeping it all packed down inside. Until it spills out, like it did yesterday.

The kid was pulling my hair and beard, I was getting in trouble for his toilet problems again, and for another kid, I’d been decheduled on a Friday for the third week running […]