An intrusive thought just occurred to me. I was wondering what ever happened to the old chat room we had like a decade ago. Is it still active or has it been lost to time like so many things in this world?
Five Finger Death Punch-
This is pretty much how I feel about “democracy”
-_-
Just a generally disturbing Sunday Evening happening; my dog brought my attention to a gas cap in his bedding……
Here’s me thinking he was hungry. It didn’t come off of any of our vehicles is the thing. So where did it come from? It means he picked it up in the yard most likely, there’s a bit of buried junk back there. Little stuff people forget, and I repeat my lament; this state is so polluted.
It’s just cummulative, I know a little thing like a gas cap doesn’t seem like it is harmful, but it is and it all makes it worse, especially this being technically […]
I’ve only ever been good enough for a moment.
Good enough for me, good enough for my friends, good enough for my wife and for my children. But only for a moment.
When I reach the crossroads I know so intimately, I know I have to turn around and go back. I’ve never been able to turn left, or right, or find another road to go down. It’s always the same; go back to the start and try again.
I’m 30 now, I have BPD and somehow I’ve managed to find a wife and settle into a life with two kids. Kinda funny considering my generation […]
A serious question- WHAT exactly is so great about humans?
Seems Like Humans:
-Pollute the Earth (air, water, pesticides, toxins, etc)
-Destroy the Earth (deforestation, global warming, etc)
-Caused the extinction of millions of species of plant, animal, sea creatures
-F*cked up the food supply (pesticides, etc)
-Can’t stop fighting and killing each other over land + natural resources
-The rich control everything and push the masses into living nearly paycheck to paycheck, in crushing poverty/debt, etc
-The masses now live worse than peasants- at least the peasants OWNED LAND back in the day. now, how many other than the rich do? and no, […]
I was in therapy one day aged 23, a virgin, afraid of women, with the strict female therapist. She was scribbling down notes, she became very fidgety with the pen, jerking said pen, ” I realise these are difficult questions” she said avoiding eye contact ” but do you masturbate?” She asked regaining eye contact and looking at me fixedly. It was a question which had caught me off guard but it was also a question I liked. In a life filled with lows, terrifying lows, this was a high. What could I say but the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, […]
This was, and is, very much a thing in my generation and older generations (ppl over 45yo). Any woman who dared question having children or outright said they didn’t want children were shunned, ostracized, yelled, seen as evil, horrible, unloving, etc. I know the younger generation do not view having children the same- more flexibility and acceptance in thought and divergence now- ie it’s now OK to NOT have children or NOT get married. It was treated like a cardinal sin just a few decades ago when I was a kid if a women said they didn’t want to get married or […]
What do you guys think?
Tuesday marks 9 weeks. Still haven’t heard anything. Don’t know when I will. Hope I do soon so I can continue on with my life. Wouldn’t be in this predicament if had planned better, but that’s to be expected at this point. Meeting with the advisor some point in the future and I’m going to guess he isn’t happy with the fact that I never submitted to a journal like I said I was. Could’ve ended up rejecting me as a result. Even though he did write a recommendation letter.
I’ve been told my suicidal ideation is […]
Lots of Food For Thought- What do you all think?
now they’re descheduling me tomorrow, or that’s what it looks like.
when I got off work today I was already set up for a pretty lousy shift tomorrow; 12;30-4;30, so just the hottest part of the afternoon. I was going to do it though because any hours is hours. I need hours.
Then a few hours later I look at my schedule, because it can change any time, and now I don’t have any scheduled hours tomorrow…. and maybe a day off sounds nice in the middle of the week, especially a hot week…..
but I’m insecure in my job. Is this some kind of message about my […]
I’m overweight, broke, and pissed off.
I can’t sleep.
I’m trying to make some kind of life for myself. What annoys me is that despite everything I’ve been trying to do, I’m still in a shit position. Tettering on homelessness and barely making it out of situations. How the hell am I supposed to get rid of the debts I have, navigate car issues, get myself back in shape, and start to work on my health overall if I can barely make my bills for the month? I’m trying to increase my monthly income and reduce my bills, but in the grand scheme of things, […]
I’ve run into a lot of people who feel like I do about Oklahoma, who have been here maybe twice. It doesn’t take long to find out that this place is hard to escape. The video is partially about the car curse, how trying to leave Oklahoma (and particularly Tulsa) is going to face some supernatural odds…. Awful things happen, improbable things, and this place, most of this state doesn’t make sense even to those of us stuck living here……
I mean I just got done loving on one of my kids, and trying to focus on the good, but that kid is probably stuck as […]
everyone has their own issues but I am a piece of work.
it’s been a while. there are repeat people here ive noticed.
I know people have shit going on but I have to be one of the more benign forms of it and yet my life is still made miserable.
I just have so much resentment towards people. maybe I’m primarily antisocial instead of narcissistic. If I could bring someone else down to keep my mood together I would do it in a heartbeat.
its hard to really relate to anyone with what I’m going through. it’s like I’m a […]
Willie Nelson has always been one of my heroes, and I love that he’s cool enough to work on something like this
I was talking to @plainwhite about mourning and then by complete happenstance I stumbled into thinking about my granddad who I’ll never see again in the flesh. I have a lot of those people in my heart. Some of them are still alive, but I doubt I’ll see them anyway. Dead to me just means they’re working really hard never to see my face again. Maybe I’m doing it to them.
Point is Granddad is ash, his brain patterns and soul bits scattered to the wind whatever they were. All that is left is my memories of him, and everyone else who has them as well. […]
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Our marriage fell apart completely tonight.
Its the classic, cliché story. I have spent most of my life dating guys. Despite this, on an emotional level, I fell in love with the most wonderful woman. We got married. I told her everything about me before we married, and its obvious anyway because my legal name is a female name. Long story there. I have a long history of liking men that I made certain she was informed about. Truly, I loved her. There was a disconnect between the physical and emotional though. I was honest, and […]
I dont have a therapist, and cant afford one. I hope its alright to vent here.
On paper, things have been going really well for me. I am sober, losing weight, doing well in school, standing up for myself at work, and socializing.
Yet also, inside of my head is a maelstrom of thoughts and feelings. There are certain anxieties I cant seems to shake. I worry deeply about my future, because it is entirely uncertain, although I take steps to improve my chances for better days. I struggle with where I stand in this world also. I feel somewhat like a hopeless dreg, although, again, Ive […]
I only ever tasted paradise once. I never knew such pleasure existed, even if it was only 20 mins. The girl was an 11 out of 10. I never knew they existed. I was seeing stars with the pleasure. A knock on the door called things to a halt.Being inexperienced, I had only been with my 25 year old girlfriend I thought I preferred girls older than her again, in their 30’s and 40’s but this girl was a bit under 18.
At the core of it all is that I don’t know how to tolerate my experiences. All of the shame, regret, longing, despair… I don’t know how to experience that, and be ok with it. To exist with it, on an ongoing basis, for however long the rest of my life is. Because it’s always there, in the background. And to not want to run, to not desperately look for distraction, for anything that will momentarily fill my mind with something else… I don’t know how to do that.
And I don’t know if anyone else knows how either. I’m not confident that it’s possible. The […]
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