I think I just got hired at this new job but I’m not sure because they haven’t updated me on anything after my drug test/physical/background check.

I’m essentially living with an ogre/twit. My father is someone who nobody ever visits because he has a chip on his shoulder nearly 24/7.

I don’t know if he’s a narcissist but he goes from 0-100 real fast. He likes to find new things in his house to hyper focus on and complain about. I’m fine with following his rules but it’s how he communicates those rules that just rubs me the wrong way.

For starters, he’ll call for […]

Someone jumped off my bridge not long ago. It’s not a popular suicide spot despite being a 200ft drop to icy water with a swift current that sucks you out to sea. Often the bodies are never found, and that’s why I picked it as my bridge. No survivors have been reported.

I just don’t get the point of being alive, and when you mix that with a painful existence it’s a no brainer. Literally 1+1 = suicide. No one can tell you the point of living; they can tell you their point of living but no one can tell you yours. That would be like […]

It’s hard not to be consumed by hatred, when you’re in pain, and don’t know how to stop it. There’s this part of me that just wants to hurt people, I suppose to have some external outlet for that pain. Or maybe to make them as miserable as me, since misery loves company. Then maybe I won’t feel so alone. Perhaps that’s the delusional logic.

And there’s no justification for that. I’m in this situation because of decisions I made. Other people certainly helped me to get here, but I was as free as anyone can be to choose a better path. So I can blame […]

My wife and my dad keep reminding me not to count my chickens on this one, but this is the most activity I’ve had in a long time. Yesterday I bit the bullet and applied for a company I’ve known about for almost 10 years, a company that does utility locates. I haven’t done any utility work in almost 9 years since my hospitalization. — (my timeline is all over the place, no accuracy to be had on that) —

Anyway, the point is that from the moment I applied they started sending me tasks to do. I haven’t had an employer this hungry since I […]

What happened to you? What I mean to ask is, are there things that happened to you that may be the root cause of your troubles? The Main issues?

For me, I had a mother who loved me the best she could but often tried to kill herself. My father also (i believe) loved me the best he could, although he violent. He hit us, broke our things as punishment, yelled at the top of his lungs even in public, and spent a lot of time on his own when he was calm. I grew up afraid of my father, and wherever my mom made an […]

I’m at the stage where whatever it took to last as long as I have has been used up…

More and more, I get the sense (as an American) that I may have to risk my life fighting against authoritarian regimes. I promise you, I will die before I let our country fall into dictatorship. I hope it doesnt come to that. But as someone who has been through boot camp before, as someone who cares about the freedoms of others, as someone who cares about fighting for whats right, I declare: FUCK AROUND AND FIND OUT! I vow to each of you, I will die before I let your freedoms dissipate.

I don’t know why I’m stuck, just that I am. I can be a prolific writer, at times. Yet again and again I keep coming back to this starting place, of trying to write a paranormal adventure which has never been written to break the mind of the reader. In my mind it seems so simple, yet I’m stuck as stuck can be.

I know part of it is the entirely valid fear that no one will ever read it, so much of what I write no one ever reads. Much of what I write is a manic exercise in trying to quiet my thoughts. So […]

i’m so deep in my head nothing is real. i walk past people and most of the time im genuinely convinced they’re not actually there n if i was to just deck one of them in the face my fist would fly straight through their head and they’d keep walking like nothing happened (i promise i won’t actually punch a poor bystander on my way home from work) i’m convinced if i touch a brick wall my hand will just disappear through it. nothing and no one is fucking real anymore and i can’t take it what is happening every one has wires behind their […]

Things are going downhill in the mainland US (I only know about things going on in the US, so I’ll talk about it over here).

Everything I’ve seen or kept up with is just showing things in freefall. Housing, the economy, and the ability to survive is just getting more and more insane. So in no particular order:

Housing: You’re forced to deal with either overpriced houses that are basically impossible to get, especially in urban areas, and if you get lucky and find a house, you’ll be paying up the ass to maintain and renovate it, because shit is more expensive now. […]

Just a sample of why I don’t relate to other people, because there are things I think about I’d be ashamed to talk about almost anywhere else. Here though, you guys know the many ways I want to die…. and kill people… so my insane fantasies isn’t a big jump.

I was thinking about leaving today, and it really is just the climate and the city I want away from.

I thought what if I could pick up my house and haul it up to Michigan and set it down on a new basement?

It’s just…… I’m having enough trouble trying to get myself out of here.

Now I’ve […]

Anyone familiar with the Island of Misfit Toys? I’ve always felt like one. The anti-social ones have always been treated as the weird/odd ones.

But maybe it’s the rest of the world that’s crazy- humming along like a machine run on slave/peasant/min wage labor. Maybe the rest of us just can’t seem to “fit in” amongst all the cogs in the wheel bc we don’t want to be cogs.

Maybe some of us have taken the red pill and can’t unsee the shit that’s our lives and our prospects as just another cog in the wheel, as a chronically poor or “just barely making […]

Do you even trust published data anymore? Until Covid, there were NO studies showing a realistic # of how many unhappy Americans were. All the studies showed 70%-90% of ppl being “happy” with only a small tiny fraction listed as “depressed/very unhappy with life.” Even after Covid, now, most studies STILL show ~71% of people being very or rather happy with life. Which…I don’t believe. Definitely NOT 71% happy in the USA.

The data would have you believe that the vast majority of ppl are happy with their lives, which is just NOT true. Just given the income data- where […]

If it’s alright, I will try to post poems every day. I write poems based on my feelings and experiences; it does help me make sense of all of it. If you don’t like any of my poems, that’s fine, you don’t need to read them or to comment on my post’s.

7 years ago

I still haven’t lived it through

So

I remember crying

I remember pleading

My mom divorced before

But I guess my father didn’t care

As when I was supposed to go

My sister went alone

It was a week

When we didn’t see

My sister was scared

The judge told him to bring her back

I blamed myself until now

My father shouldn’t have

Why did he kidnap my sister?

I couldn’t say at all.

Safe to say

I have grudge for him

He will fall.

HUMANS

Many of us can boil our problems down to not fitting in… Not having a place where we are happy to belong and contribute, thereby giving our life meaning. When you find yourself isolated or banished from the group, in this case the human race, bad things happen.

I went to college and majored in a specialized science, and during my education I got a co-op job with a firm that did military contracts. I was great at my job, made decent money while studying, had a future position lined up at the firm after I graduated, and I felt great about my life and my […]

I didn’t watch the first video in this series, and now I don’t think I’m going to. It’s a three part series about these guys building a truck to ride abandoned rails, it’s the kind of thing I’d do. I was waiting for this, I wanted to see how it ended because I’ve rode bike trails following old abandoned rail lines. I knew they wouldn’t drop at where they left the last video, but I’m not sure if this is any better.

They don’t say if that bridge at the end is the bridge, if it was that would be kind of satisfying. It bugs me […]

I will do everything to create a good life. But if my wife dies before me, Im killing myself. 100%. Sorry, not sorry. I simply will not live without her. I refuse it.

I felt the need to do a “recon mission” last week to a fairly remote place I really enjoy, a place that may be my last place someday. It’s very far from where I live, so I spent a few days there. I arrived in the evening, so I got an early start the next day, as it’s a 5 mile hike to a particular spot I wanted to check out (the general area is large with very few visitors). After hanging out for a while, I started back down the trail to the little town I was staying in, and suddenly a raven flies […]

I’m 18 now and I hate how everyone just expects me to know what I want to do with my life. My cousin the same age as me and is always talking about doing architecture and going to college. I’m so jealous of her because I have no ambition there is nothing I want to do I don’t see a future for myself and I never have. I got kicked out by my moms husband, quit my job, broke up with my boyfriend and now am living in my grandmothers house talking to my ex and just staying In bed all day I don’t have […]